The Still

Hello Dream Friends! I am stopping by to say hello, and to give you an update on my journey. Where does one begin? How about I tell you about my day today and work backwards? This was not quite the way I had planned to share it. But does life ever happen exactly the way we imagined it would?

Today I decided to take the day off. At least that is what I told myself. My day off ended up being the start of this post instead. I got up early and told myself I would NOT work today. As the morning progressed on I kept hearing my computer call me from the other side of the house. I just had to see what it wanted. When I logged on I had two mail boxes full of unopened messages and even some PM’s on Facebook. All I could think of was there was no way I could take the day off today. When you are learning to personally develop and grow yourself do you really get a day off from that? Isn’t this to be an on going process?

I then heard this little scratch at my office door. When I opened the door I was attacked by a 1 ft 7 pound puppy wanting me to play. After a few hugs and pats I returned to my desk and started answering emails. Have you ever been deeply involved in something but your other senses still picked up on things around you? I think it is one of those things we are gifted with when we become parents.

I look up from my desk and see my daughter staring at me. She just sat there quietly looking at me. I looked half way up at her with my eyes still on what I was reading, wondering what she would request of me. She just stared at me. After a while I asked her why she was looking at me. She said she was watching me read. Guess what I did? … I turned my computer off without saving anything. In that moment of my eyes meeting hers I said to her,” grab your bathing suit and a bag. This day belongs to you”. The biggest smile came across her face.

Today was truly my daughter’s day. Today was the day she taught me many lessons about her and about myself. We got in the car and drove to the beach.  On the way we talked about all the things we would do. We unloaded the car and found a great spot to set up, and when we got all of our things placed neatly on the sand she declared she was tired and wanted to take a nap. I could not believe she wanted to nap. I took the whole day off to spend with her! I did not even bring a book to read. As she laid there sleeping I watched people walk by and listened to the waves and sounds around me. I had forgotten what it was like to just be still. It was kind of nice not to be pushing myself to do more and learn more. But I still felt like I should be doing something other than just sitting there. At that time I was not thinking that you could also learn from experiences.

An hour or so passed by and I even did the whole flipping from one side from the other for tanning. I could not get settled.  My daughter was so quiet and seemed so peaceful. I finally looked over at her and with eyes closed she asked me why I was staring at her. Mother and daughter had reversed roles as the day progressed. I said I was wondering when you were going to wake up. Still with eyes closed she said after you rest. I have to admit I at this point was getting a little frustrated. You see my child is autistic. Autistic children are more attuned to things then we give them credit for. And sometimes it takes us a half a day to remember that.

I asked her if she wanted to play paddle ball and she said no, then I asked her if she wanted to ride the Ferris wheel with me, and she said she did not feel like it. Then I asked if she wanted to walk down the beach with me and she still said no, but this time she said,” YOU go walk Mommy”… So I did.

I walked through the water and I enjoyed the feel of the water around my ankles. I walked on the beautiful white sand and felt the sand between my toes. Before you knew it I had walked about a mile or so down the beach. Time just seemed to fly by. I came to the pier where I stopped and watched some children play. I then walked under the pier and watched these seagulls fighting over bait fish. In the middle of about 30 seagulls was this pelican, who would watch the seagulls fight, and then knew exactly when to scoop up the fish. The seagulls never caught on to how the pelican caught his prey. They were too busy fighting amongst themselves. That did not stop the pelican from getting what he was after. In his still he found opportunity. He found what he needed.

I watched the birds for just a short while longer and then made my way back down the beach. My daughter was sitting up waiting for me. I smiled and asked her if she had a good nap. She said yes and then we gathered our things to head back home. As we walked to our car she looked at me and asked me if I rested. I wasn’t so irritated this time, perhaps because I finally understood the true meaning of her words. I smiled and replied back to her that I did indeed rest, that I found my still. She looked a little puzzled at me then she spoke and this is what she said,” I brought you to the beach so you would not have to work today, Mommy. I promised Daddy that I would let you rest today. I know you love the water so I pretended to sleep so you would stay longer”. You know that big lump you get in your throat when you are trying not to cry? I swear mine was blocking my air ways. When I finally managed to speak I asked my daughter what she wanted to do. She said… just to spend the day with you.

Today we went to the beach, we went to the movies to see Timothy Green, and then we went to get our hair cut together. While tomorrow I may not go to the beach or walk to the pier… Today my daughter taught me working on myself did not always mean reading books or making affirmations. My daughter reminded me I needed to rest sometime. Today I learned that in the still opportunities aren’t lost but often found.  So remember to enjoy –the still of the moment! Wishing each of you a Magical Weekend!

~Michelle Colon-Johnson

(c) -2012


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